Spork movies

I was wasting time reading ESPN page two today (weren't you?) and I stumbled upon Bill Simmons' article about Fever Pitch. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/050420

If you haven't seen Fever Pitch and you want to, I wouldn't recommend reading the article because a) he doesn't like it and b) he basically gives away the whole plot (not that it would be brain surgery to guess) but anyway.

He does put out an interesting concept of the spork movie- a movie that is a chick flick but also a sports movie. Successful (according to Bill Simmons) such movies include Jerry Maguire, Tin Cup, and Bull Durham. He argues that there basically isn't enough sports in Fever Pitch, making it an unqualified chick flick. Though some of this particular article annoys me, he is right about that last part. Not that I'm really complaining, I thought it was a cute movie. But I've also seen "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" in it's entirety. Twice.

Also, here's a list of themes that he says invariably show up in romantic comedies. Even though I am a sucker for these movies I acknowledge that they are not the most logical or unpredictable things and I thought this list was funny.

1. You can't meet the man of your dreams in a bar or at a party. It only happens either if he randomly shows up in your office, if he made some sort of bet about you, if he saved your life or if you happen to be impersonating someone else at the time.

2. If you're approaching 30 and you're still single, it's only because you're working too hard, not because there's something wrong with you. Just make sure you find a potential husband as fast as possible, even if it means destroying someone else's life or committing some kind of crime.

3. In your search for love, always target schoolteachers, bartenders, widowers, or anyone who was once successful before hitting a stretch of bad luck. This way, when they finally turn their lives around or come into some money, they'll erroneously think that you were the reason.

4. If you're dating someone who is passionate about something, he will absolutely give that up for you because all men change once they fall in love. Especially if you have a nice apartment.

5. You can have only three friends: A smart friend who's pretty in a quirky way, a calculating beauty who's morally corrupt and an overweight girl who doesn't say much. You can only hang out with these people all at once. If there's anyone in your life who doesn't fit one of those three categories, get rid of them.

6. Your boyfriend's friends only get in the way. The sooner you can destroy them, the better.

7. If you become pregnant, don't worry – you won't actually have the baby. It's just a temporary dilemma so you can break up for a month and he'll realize that he can't live without you – mainly because you pushed away his friends and ruined his life.

8. If you're breaking up with the guy to prove a point, immediately find the best-looking guy in your office and invite him over to dinner, then hope the other guy shows up. When he shows up, he won't do anything vengeful like get drunk and hook up with the nearest bimbo. He'll simply stop shaving and showering until one of his friends goes over to his house to snap some sense into him.

9. When you finally get back together, make sure it happens in the goofiest place possible – whether it's a baseball stadium, the top of a skyscraper, the launching of a space shuttle or wherever.

10. Either you will end up living happily ever after, or you will find a deep friendship with a gay man that will end up being just as satisfying.

Haha, funny joke

Haha, I have one of those jokes that only I find funny, but insist on sharing with everyone I talk to in a futile attempt to find someone with a sense of humor as refined as mine. Here goes:

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad breath. This made him.... what?


A super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


I am sure you are all dying of laughter in your chair right now.

wtf

It's snowing outside. Snowing. Not sticking, but snowing anyway. Snowing.

grass, bugs return

Susan sucks, la la la la la la la.

(What? You're crazy! She's awesome!)

Well, see I was in town the week before last and I did a terrible job of getting in touch with people. I had ridiculous work the week before and last week and so I just felt really stressed. So me and my frazzled self were too lazy to make a lot of plans with peeps. So I'm sorry, and the next time I'm in town (no idea when that will be) I will do a better job.

So anyway. I'm back in Cambridge and I survived my crazy week. Midterms are finally over and it's not quite time to worry about the 20 page final papers yet so I'm in a pretty happy place. It's has also been amazingly beautiful outside. It's so funny. As soon as it hits like 60, people come out of the woodwork. They just sit outside on benches, ledges, whatever. Don't need a lunch, don't even need a friend. Just sit outside by themselves and soak up warmth and sunshine. When I got back from Spring break there was no snow in sight for literally the first time in about 7 months. So it's pretty great to see green grass again. I even got a bug bite today! Yayayayayay!!!

Package not Due for Delivery

Tell me this is not messed up. I ordered something online and had it shipped using FedEx super saver. I got a tracking number and it said delivery date of 4/6. But over the weekend the package arrived at the local sort facility, and today it said it was put on the truck for delivery. No package ever came though, and when I checked this evening, I noticed this entry:

Package status

WEST SPRINGFIELD VA

Package not due for delivery

WTF? I mean, I'm not really mad, since they aren't obliged to get it to me today, but geez, how stupid is that? You'd think they would process those more slowly, but no, everything is done the same way - right down to loading the package on the truck - until the driver goes to deliver it, and is like, oh, we don't have to deliver this until Wednesday. Seriously, that is the most retarded thing I've ever heard. It's like someone told them they were a government agency or something. (Sorry Cheryl).